Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Movie Theater Strategy

Cue Annie:

Popcorn is delicious; salty, buttery...but it is not discreet. Very crunchy, loud, stains the fingers. Also, since it is made on the spot, sometimes it's too hot, too cold, Goldilocks syndrome.

Raisinets are amazing because they feign being healthy and you do not feel so awful chowing down on them. They are a classic movie theater food, made with no articificial ingredients, and from homegrown California Raisins. Yay for classic Americana. Reminds me of childhood and warm, fuzzy feelings. Same goes for Goobers. Snocaps fall into this classic catergory and have the added benefit of being made from dark chocolate and lasting the whole movie (so many little small morsels!) However, they all melt much too easily.

My next snack of interest are Twizzlers. I mean, they double as a straw. Imagine drinking your $5.75 Medium coke through a STRAWBERRY SUGAR STICK. What a confectionery delight. These vertical snacks are also highly shareable. Alas, they are wrapped in some of the loudest packaging known to man.

My local cinema recently added Hot Dogs, Soft Pretzels, and Chicken Fingers to their menu. Listen, you me, that is carnival and festival cuisine. I understand that the movie theater/carnival crowd often overlaps on food but I do not want you eating an entire entree during my movie. This is not The Complete Unedited Digitally Enhanced Nine Hour Lord of the Rings Trilogy, wherein I will allow you to eat an entire dinner service. This is snack time. Leave your hotdogs out of my theater.

Believe it or not, some moviegoers use food as a distraction for tense, suspenseful, emotional, or scary plots. Munching on comfort food helps them get through the anxious, terrifying, desperate roller coaster. It also helps as an excuse not to make out with someone on a first date. "Bobby, can't you see I'm drinking Cherry Cola through a Twizzler straw?"

Lets look at caloric intake:

Large Buttered Popcorn (20 cups): 1500 calories, 116g fat, 90g carbs
Hot Dog (1 dog with bun): 305 calories, 4.5g fat, 23g carbs
Nachos with Cheese (large, 4 oz): 1101 calories, 59g fat, 131.5g carbs
Soft Pretzel (large): 483 calories, 4.5g fat, 99g carbs
Junior Mints (3 oz): 320 calories, 5g fat, 68g carbs

But wait, there's lots more,

Milk Duds (3 oz): 340 calories, 12g fat, 56g carbs
Sno-Caps (3.1 oz): 360 calories, 16g fat, 60g carbs
Raisinets (3.5 oz): 380 calories, 16g fat, 64g carbs
Gummi Bears (4 oz): 390 calories, 0g fat, 90g carbs
Goobers (3.5 oz): 525 calories, 35g fat, 55g carbs
Twizzlers (6 oz): 600 calories, 4g fat, 136g carbs
M&M's (5.3 oz): 735 calories, 31.5g fat, 105g carbs
Skittles (6.75 oz): 765 calories, 9g fat, 166.5g carbs
Reese's Pieces (8 oz): 1200 calories, 60g fat, 138g carbs
Starburst (24 pieces): 480 calories, 10.5g fat, 99g carbs
Coca-Cola with ice(ice having no calories but being necessary to include) (large, 3 pints, 18.9 fl oz): 353 calories, 0g fat, 88.4g carbs

So, in the end water is the way to go. Obviously.

Glug Glug (water drinking sound),

Keren rhymes w/ Heron


Leah, wife of Jacob said...

Water is definitely the way to go. Water OR complete dehydration. The latter being more suitable for LOTR type movies.