Friday, June 4, 2010

The Great Abilities of Strays

This little number here is a dumpster kitty. HER name is Felix. My boyfriend, before he knew me, assumed most cats were male when he saved her from the dumpster across the alley in back of the house and named her that. But oh my goodness, isn't she cute?

The other day my mom came to Philly all the way from Lancaster to drop off a few items for me, i.e. a rolling pin, an industrial sized stapler, and a tiffany style lamp. She knocks on the front door as Felix and I are sitting in the living room. Felix, like all cats, tenses and strains her ears in the direction of the front door. I get up and open the door. My mom walks in. Felix freaks out, and her claws slip all over the wood floors as she runs upstairs for her life!

She does this every time someone comes into the house. The first month I was living here, she did this when I came in. But running away from my mother made me think about humans as cats...

Get THIS: A guy in his late twenties/early thirties who exhibits house cat behavior.

When his girlfriend's mother comes into the house, he scurries upstairs and hides under the bed.

On nice days, he sits on the window sill and scratches himself.

At night, he sleeps on top of his girlfriend's head and practically suffocates her with his hairy body. And when this doesn't wake her up, he starts shaking his legs... most likely not from trying to reach an itch on his back, but perhaps from Restless Leg Syndrome?

He's afraid of the vacuum cleaner, but follows around the swiffer while his girlfriend traps dust, dirt, and hair in the microfiber disposable Swiffer pads everyone has come to love.

When he wants to relax, he does not move from his spot, even if his girlfriend tries to shove him out of the way by sitting on his tail.

When there is a fly buzzing around, he goes crazy trying to catch it, but when he does catch it, he lets it go so he can catch it again.

When his girlfriend sprinkles catnip along the kitchen floor, he gets really excited and rolls around in it.

When his cat, named Kitten, gets in his way, he claws at her and runs around the house knocking things over.

Sometimes, his girlfriend thinks he wants to eat her the way that he looks at her and starts slowly sniffing her feet, legs, and arms.

When his girlfriend opens the windows, he forgets about the screen, and runs, leaps, and tries to escape from the house through the window only to fail miserably and whine about it for half an hour.

Anyway, maybe it's only funny to me.... Or maybe I'm like really lame for even thinking cats are funny in the first place.

Oh my God... I am NOT turning into one of those lame lame people who are obsessed with cats. But maybe I am. Maybe this is a result of not yet securing a summer job. Perhaps this is what the consequence for being lazy is... lame lazy feline lovers lay lethargically all day long.




Cooler Girl said...

haha Juice is totally like a cat, I find this hysterical and true for all boyfriends.

Charlotte said...

Bwa ha ha ha ha!!! I especially enjoyed the part about the window screen.

Keren, rhymes w/ Heron said...

Thanks Charlotee! Are you a cat owner too?