Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Like the Travelocity Gnome.... but Las Llaves en Miami.

Joel's Keys took a fantastic trip to Miami the other week...we wanted to share with you all the crazy and wild things they did. Joel's Keys let effing LOOSE!

04:00:00 Joel's Keys: Empty SEPTA car en route to PHL Airport. Sooo excited!!

08:30:00 Joel's Keys: Bienvenidos a Miami!! Checkin' out those palms!

12:30:00 Joel's Keys: FT. Laudy, beaches! Eyein' that storm on the horizon.

13:00:00 Joel's Keys: Smokin' a cig after a long day en la playa.

22:00:00 Joel's Keys at the dyke bar.

10:30:00 Joel's Keys eating Huevos Rancheros... South Beach, the morning after.

11:30:00 Joel's Keys shopping off the hangover.

12:45:00 Joel's Keys seeing the sights.

21:00:00 Joel's Keys gettin' crunk at the arcade they call Dirty Blondes. And Leah's O-face...wait, what?

Much later.... maybe 3am, maybe 5am Joel's Keys with the hott young THANGS!

Joel's Keys did it all. To see where Joel's Keys go next, visit See y'all in the next HOT SPOT destination! ;)

Jessica Rabbit
Leah, wife of Jacob

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Father's Day Run Down

Happy Father's Day!

My sister refuses to use sugar packets (or sweetener packets) that aren't yellow.

My mother chastised my sister for stirring her coffee without holding the spoon like a pencil. She then demonstrated for my sister the proper way to stir coffee. My sister then corrected my mother, telling her that she was stirring tea, and therefore, my mother's assessment was irrelevant.

Fox News gets there White House correspondence via Obama's Twitter account. Which is sadder? Obama letting us know information about Iran by tweeting? Or the media considering Twitter newsworthy?

My father declared this morning: "First! The coffee we make today will be vanilla flavored. Second! I am staying in pajamas until 9p.m. Well, actually maybe 9a.m. because by the time 9p.m. comes around, I will be going to bed so there really isn't a point to declaring my pajama state finished until I wake up tomorrow."

There are dark clouds closing in on Lancaster, but the sun is shining on the west part of the house. I am drinking orange juice, and blogging at the kitchen table.

I am currently jobless, and I am going to the beach for two weeks in about two weeks. Ha!

Check this out:

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Aaaah!! Bird attack in my backyard!

Okay, so I am currently sweaty, red in the face, and wearing grass-stained sneakers. Although I am always a classy, bougie lady in DC, while in the Lanc I am a grass-mowing, flannel-wearing, construction-man-attracting Lancastrian Woman. hahahaha. Well, perhaps not...

The past few weeks, except the one during which I went cruising down Sistrunk Blvd in Ft. Laudy looking for hookers, I have been out in my yard doing everything from mowing to trimming to weed pulling to pulling large shrubs (including the roots) out of the ground by hooking a chain from the back of my Isuzu Trooper to the shrub and then replanting it in the backyard so my mother and father can see it as they enjoy their coffee on our back porch in the mornings.

To the back of our house there is a line of pine trees three times the height of our house, which are good to have because I don't have to do any yardwork involving those. However, to the other side (the much longer side) there is a long row of forsythia which are more than ten feet high and wickedly overgrown. My mother's idea of a dream yard is one in which no one can see her so if the mood struck her someday, she could sit naked on our back porch and no one would even know.

But it's my job to do the yardwork because no one else knows how to do anything here, so the forsythia needs trimming and I got to it!

I trimmed the sides and the bottom, making sure the bottom was slightly less trimmed because they live longer that way (don't ask me why). Then, I got out the old rickety step ladder that scares the shit out of me because when you step on it, it sways wickedly.

But! It's the only way to trim the fly away branches at the top! So I was on the ladder, with the electric hedge trimmers, which are plugged in and BAD things happen if you don't pay attention and you accidentally cut the cord. Ouch and sparks!

But today the ouch was not because of cutting the electric cord. I, in my haste to get the hedges trimmed before five, trimmed into a bird's nest!!!!!!

The little gray tailed something or other Bird darted out and screeched at me and then began plunging toward me, flying back up and then plunging toward me again. I screamed and jumped off the ladder, throwing the hedge trimmers down on the ground and I ran back into the garage!

I waited a few minutes before emerging from my safety grotto (haha). But when I came out again, the bird swooped toward me again, and I ran back into the garage and then into the basement, up the stairs, and into the kitchen to sit down and calm down for a minute. Those birds, man! They are determined to have eggs!! Jeez Louise!

Now, I don't really know what to do, except wait for a while and then start trimming down the other end first and then avoid the bird's nest for a couple days. I don't want to hurt it... we love birds here. We have birds nests all over, but the hedges are just getting out of hand.

Oh yea, I forgot to mention that there is a lot of construction going on along the road in front of my house. When I ran and screamed as the bird attacked, a bunch of the construction men turned around and laughed like I was Jeff Foxworthy or the Cable Guy (I think that's who people around here laugh at).

I also thought this was appropriate because of those BlackBirds in ?California? that are attacking people in the city's financial district.