Saturday, May 2, 2009

Love's Labour's Lost: it's not love, it's masturbation.


If y'all haven't heard yet: the Swine Flu (or if you are currently in Israel reading DWTD: the Mexican Flu) has come to GW. The girls were moved from Thurston Hall to City Hall because GW can get more money out of Freshman than Juniors, who have already paid so it doesn't matter if their parents complain and threaten to withdraw their sons and daughters (quothe the cynic Steve R.)

Well, I don't know about all y'all cowards and hypochondriacs, but I'm not going to give up a good time just because of the SWINE FLU. Puh-lease. Pshaw.

During my good time last night, I came across this guy named Roddy Doyle who I have had my eye on for a while. We were flirting and having a good time. He held my hand. We drove around the city. It was all whirlwind, heat, and flash. We killed my parents and were on the road before we knew what we were doing.

And then Roddy Doyle turned to me and said, "You know, you can tell when a woman is in love with you because they come during sex, and they come quickly."

I proceeded to laugh: "HAHAHA!"

Thought he was joking. Thought this was funny. Turns out, this kid was serious. He really thinks that when women finish quickly it means that they are in love with their partners. I have news for him and for the other men out there who may think the same: It's not LOVE, it's self stimulation when you're not looking.

If it's not self stimulation on the sly, then our partner just happens to be one of the following: 1) very experienced or 2) making us feel very comfortable or 3) we're drunk enough to be comfortable even if you're not that great in bed.

I let him drop me off around the corner from my building, and laughed all the way to my door. Then laughed some more when I crossed my apt's threshold.

So, Roddy Doyle: you're a great flirt, but the love-logic part of the brain seemed faulty for a minute or two.

Sorry.

-Leah, wife of Jacob

0 comments: