Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Tentative Correlations

A brief study in the humanity of Keren --

(Please visualize me writing this after having devoured a side of french fries but before having opened my bag of recently purchased Dark Chocolate Peanut M&M's, I am also in sweats and two-day oiled hair)

Times when Keren gains weight: Finals week, Winter hibernation, Stressful scenarios, holidays (any and all, including Memorial Day, all of Black History Month, The Day of the Dead and Septemeber 20th, National Punch Day)

Times when Keren loses weight: In the 48 hours preceeding a date, Summer, When she sees a joyous elderly couple and then imagines being lonely forever, After a breakup, During a moment of fitness actualization when she tries to prove weight loss infomercials wrong, Immediately after being informed of a death in the family (but not during the funeral/shiva...that's a weight gain), When existing in any room that has a full length mirror for over an hour.

Times when Keren maintains weight: Nullset.

What is college really but a time when students should grow and expand their waist and waste?

Continually broadening my pants size and literary horizons,

Keren, Rhymes w/ Heron


Sasha said...

This is why my jeans range in size from 25 to 32 or 00 to 13 :]

You know, just in case.