Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Hey! Menotron, it's snowing!

While kids like me and you slowly reach the age of Disaffected Young Adulthood, moms like you choose Jiff! Actually, Moms like ours go through this thing called menopause. So, if we break down the Latin/Greek root words, we understand this word to mean, literally, the stop of the month. We all know it is just a euphemism for what it really means (covers mouth a giggles).

Just in case you don't know what it really means, I'll tell you in the form of a teeny story:

So this guy I know is talking to his best girl and he says, "Did your mom ever go through that crazy phase? You know, that menopause whatever?"

His best girl laughs and throws her head back--when she's nervous she often laughs too hard and this guy and this girl may or may not be hooking up in an hour or two-- and says, "Yeees! I know! It's just craazy."

"Ya, right. I came home from being out somewhere with my friends, and it's in the middle of winter, right? And I come into the front living room and she's got the windows open. The air's just blowin' right in. I said to her, 'Ma! Why you got the windows open? It's snowing into the house!'" The guys says.

The girl laughs.

Menopause is the reason that this woman left the windows open. This woman is what is known now as a Menotron. That is, a menopausal woman who, like a robot from the 80s, only acts on one program at a time. That program called Menopause may last for a year to eight years. The Planned Obsolescence of this programming is arbitrary and hits like a tornado. Unfortunately Bill Paxton and Helen Hunt aren't here to throw Dorothy into the 'suck zone' to figure out how we can warn people before it destroys homes.


Sasha said...

Menopause education<3 I don't ever want to get old...