Sunday, April 19, 2009

Headline: EARTH DAY BRAWL BTWN DUCKS, SWAMPY!






Moe, the Flaming Lips, and about ten screaming tweens in green tees were part of the entertainment for Earth Day 2009 on the Mall today. The stage was set up by the 9:30 Club, and it was set up perfectly so that directly behind the performers and speakers was the Capitol building. The day began beautifully, and even though it drizzled a bit toward the end, everyone still seemed happy to be there, smoking jays and drinking beers.

There were also these cool stands set up that highlighted people's research and findings in "green" engineering.

So... among great feats of engineering, well-hidden jays, and chill music were a lot of other things Ducks noticed. Here's a list of things we saw and/or learned:

1. Dude with dreads playing with a Kermit (the Frog) hand puppet, wearing all green and dancing with the puppet when the Lips came on.

2. Irish guy with BRIGHT orange shorts on, and you could see that he had a little peen.

3. Woman in tie dye who can't control her dog. It was sniffing everyone and was on its hind legs, standing up like a human, dancing with people when Moe was on stage.

4. Girl who was first standing up in a sleeping bag dancing, and then I guess she got too warm and then took off the sleeping bag to reveal that she was wearing Billabong swim trunks. And she also reminded Ducks why white girls shouldn't dance.

5. Dude with no shirt on, but using his shirt as a bag (he tied the sleeves) to hold beer. He was also wearing red heart-shaped sunglasses and was definitely under 21. He still had peach fuzz on his chin. Awwww, boy puberty! (actually, it's not really that cute)

6. POT SMOKE TALLY (as in # of times we smelled a jay like whoa): IIII IIII

7. Question: When did They coin the term the Green Generation???

8. The Congressman Markey forgot what the United States of America was called and said, "the United States of the Americas..."

9. Hippycritical Girl (term coined by Keren) offered to expose her breasts to people for $100

10. HOW TO MAKE YOUR OWN WATER FILTER, in case you find yourself dying of thirst near a muddy river and happen to have all the things you need to do this:

Things you will need: a funnel, a bottle with top neck cut off, napkins, cotton balls, pebbles

a. Put the funnel on top of the bottle. Layer cotton balls, napkins, pebbles, cotton balls.

b. Pour dirty water over top of the layers through the funnel. Filtered water will drip into the bottle.

c. Repeat as many times as necessary to get clear water!!

d. LIVE!

11. Guys who looked like they could very well be serial killers, including John Wayne Gacy look-a-likes. After I asked if it was just me or do lots of men here look like serial killers, Keren said "Imagine a world where serial killers only killed other serial killers. John Wayne Gacy killing all other potential John Wayne Gacys."

12. SWAMPY! A man dressed up as a swamp with frogs on him.

Anecdote of Romance and Love, starring Keren and Swampy:

"I'm getting my hydrology all over you," says Swampy.

"Well, you know, life is all about fluid exchange," says Keren.

They embrace.

End.


Signed:

Leah, Wife of Jacob and Keren, Rhymes with Heron

SAVE THE EARTH!

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