Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Fruit and Veggie


About three weeks ago (maybe four... I can't remember) Ducks went to the emergency room on a weekend because GW's Health Services isn't actually for college students (because it keeps real doctor's office hours, yet doesn't take insurance like a real doctor's office). Anyway, so Keren and I were in the ER forever; apparently some nursey-poo was having a birthday, and they were all gathered around the desk instead of attending to us.

We waited in one of those closed off "rooms" that have curtains for walls. We could hear everything and see nothing (except the nurses' station cuz we pulled back the front curtain a bit). The guy next to us was saying the same thing over and over again--his mantra began as a mutter and ended as a shout: "Fucking idiots, those mother fucking idiots tryin' to keep me here. I'm just gonna fuckin' leave, fucking idiots!" And then a couple seconds later he'd say the same thing again.

The guy on the other side of us kept burping. He'd burp a little one and then a big one. I've never heard anyone burp so much in my life, and I assumed after ten minutes of hearing him burp that that was the reason he was in the ER, for burping!

Eventually Keren and I began making noises ourselves. We groaned and grunted, acting for each other: holding our backs and letting out a long loud groan. Might as well make ourselves feel comfortable.

I'll skip over the part where I basically had a silent panic attack and sweat myself to death thinking about all the disease that had at some point been festering in the same chair I was sitting on and room we were touching all over. I think I swabbed my hands and feet and phone with alcohol more times than is necessary, but nothing was clean enough. And there was sweat literally running off my hands.

The point of all this is: I have a terrible terrible immune system and now I'm sick. I've been sick since a couple days after the ER experience. I've already taken an antibiotic, which didn't help. But now!!! I have found the cure for all sickness!!!!!!!!!!!

Behold: l'il Critters FRUIT & VEGGIE Gummy Bears
Packed with Antioxidants
ONE FULL SERVING of FRUITS & VEGGIES in TWO teeny Gummy Bears.

It's AMAZING what science can do!!!!!!

These lil critters have definitely improved my condition, and I am guessing that if the burper in the ER had known about lil critters he would have been home with his sig fig makin' loooove instead of creeping me and my friend out.

I bought them at Trader Joe's in the Vitamin Aisle. Please, take Ducks advice, and git yerself healthy!!

6 comments:

Diego Garcia said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Diego Garcia said...

Also helpful: real fruits and veggies.

but honestly who eats those when you can chow down on some serious gummy

Anonymous said...

Weakened immune system is a key symptom of aids

Leah, wife of Jacob said...

it's not aids. it's elliptocytosis, you ass.

Sasha said...

omfg. anonymous needs a beating.

Sonja said...

I also use gummy vitamins. I don't really think I should have to defend myself on this one.