Monday, March 30, 2009

Take N Train North to 49th Street and 7th Ave station for.... TKTS booth. Or the 4,5,6,7 Train North to Grand Central for Michele's place.

First, I apologize for not having posted in a few days... or couple weeks... I had blog block real bad. I know how so many of you need Ducks for their news source, so I am sincerely apologetic.

That all being said, I was standing around the other day outside New Hall. My raven black bangs were greased into the side sweep, and I had my back to the wall with one foot on the ground and the other resting on the wall. I decided I needed a cigarette to complete my look, that of the Disaffected Youth. As I lit my cigarette,

my hands were older.

They were drier, redder, and just older. I realized that I wasn't a Disaffected Youth anymore, but instead a Disaffected Young Adult. The next morning Keren and I packed up our young adult shit and went to New York City to find men and show off our bods. Yea, it was a great idea.

The Chinatown bus being as great as it is, we completely forgot we were in the bus and thought we were flying Jet Blue. I impossibly all of a sudden was wearing a gold bead necklace and plucked an olive out of Keren's martini glass. Keren was impossibly wearing a coral colored silk blouse and slurped her extra dirty martini--bombay gin of course.

Keren said that I was impossibly the calmest alcoholic ever... impossibly because we were still really on the Chinatown bus.

Later that day:

I can't remember how this one went down, except it had something to do with the beginning of this post, and we came up with New York's Naked Disaffected Youth in Times Square Who Doesn't Care about the Naked Cowboy.

The Point:

Sporatically the rest of our mini-holiday with boys and bars and sluts, we had many o' conversations when we stepped into the shoes of the Serene Alcoholic and the Naked Disaffected Youth in Times Square Who Doesn't Care about the Naked Cowboy. These New York conversations between us usually ended with the NDYTSqWDCANC (I left out some articles, unimportant!) saying "whatever."

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Split Infinitive

Keren was talking to her friend online, and that friend--we'll call him/her Aubrey--asked Keren about a split infinitive.

I said. "A wha wha wha infinitive?"

Keren said, "A Split Infinitive! Aubrey wants to know. Isn't it so weird that Aubrey and I are such good friends and you still haven't met him/her!?"

I said, "Naw, it's not that weird."

Then the omniscient narrator of our lives--we'll call him/her Pat--wanted to add to the narrative and said, "And then quite simultaneously the two girls each in their own head thought about how a lot of her friends do not know grammar. Leah thought that Keren should look up the definition of a split infinitive at the same time that Keren said to her, 'I'm going to look it up.'"

That is what happened according to Pat, and I believe Pat because he is a creation of my and our minds. What?

Split Infinitive: or cleft infinitive is an English language grammatical construction in which a word or phrase, usually an adverb or other adverbial, comes between the marker to and the bare infinitive (uninflected) form of a verb. For example: To boldly go where no man has gone before.

In the Peter Pan movie from 2003, Captain Hook exclaims, "Split my infinitives!"

It's kind of cool, right?



Monday, March 9, 2009

Ducks Went to the Spa (and ended as Aliens)

Almost self explanatory. (Deep conditioning hair masque; hair steaming under CVS bags)

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Fruit and Veggie

About three weeks ago (maybe four... I can't remember) Ducks went to the emergency room on a weekend because GW's Health Services isn't actually for college students (because it keeps real doctor's office hours, yet doesn't take insurance like a real doctor's office). Anyway, so Keren and I were in the ER forever; apparently some nursey-poo was having a birthday, and they were all gathered around the desk instead of attending to us.

We waited in one of those closed off "rooms" that have curtains for walls. We could hear everything and see nothing (except the nurses' station cuz we pulled back the front curtain a bit). The guy next to us was saying the same thing over and over again--his mantra began as a mutter and ended as a shout: "Fucking idiots, those mother fucking idiots tryin' to keep me here. I'm just gonna fuckin' leave, fucking idiots!" And then a couple seconds later he'd say the same thing again.

The guy on the other side of us kept burping. He'd burp a little one and then a big one. I've never heard anyone burp so much in my life, and I assumed after ten minutes of hearing him burp that that was the reason he was in the ER, for burping!

Eventually Keren and I began making noises ourselves. We groaned and grunted, acting for each other: holding our backs and letting out a long loud groan. Might as well make ourselves feel comfortable.

I'll skip over the part where I basically had a silent panic attack and sweat myself to death thinking about all the disease that had at some point been festering in the same chair I was sitting on and room we were touching all over. I think I swabbed my hands and feet and phone with alcohol more times than is necessary, but nothing was clean enough. And there was sweat literally running off my hands.

The point of all this is: I have a terrible terrible immune system and now I'm sick. I've been sick since a couple days after the ER experience. I've already taken an antibiotic, which didn't help. But now!!! I have found the cure for all sickness!!!!!!!!!!!

Behold: l'il Critters FRUIT & VEGGIE Gummy Bears
Packed with Antioxidants

It's AMAZING what science can do!!!!!!

These lil critters have definitely improved my condition, and I am guessing that if the burper in the ER had known about lil critters he would have been home with his sig fig makin' loooove instead of creeping me and my friend out.

I bought them at Trader Joe's in the Vitamin Aisle. Please, take Ducks advice, and git yerself healthy!!