Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Rotating Desserts, and some other good advice.



The best desserts are desserts that spend the day before you eat them rotating in a glass case.
Grouper always tastes like cardboard.
Unless you know the person is a newb, never make fun of someone for being a newb. My friend and I once had the following conversation in a diner on Columbia Avenue:
Her: Get me some camel lights. There's a Hess.
Me: No.
I then handed her one of mine so I wouldn't have to get her some at the Hess. And then lit my own.
Her: You burned your cigarette.
Me: Yea?
Her: Newb.
Me: What the hell do you do with your cigarettes? Newbie?
Her: No. Newb. Only Newbs say Newbie.

A fox always represents the devil, never a fox.
No artificial flowers allowed March 1st thru Nov 1st except holidays (in general for cemetaries).
When a ring that was given to you as a gift dissolves in your palm, it is a bad omen. Never see that person again alone. 
Always visit a graveyard on Christmas.
A friendly reminder is never really intended to be all that friendly. It's really just a reminder.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

WHAT THE HELL??? This post was as avant garde as you can get!!! DOn't take any wooden nickels and never look a gift horse in the mouth!

Leah, wife of Jacob said...

Are you the same person who said they thought the one post made them feel dumber?

Own up to your comments, man. My feelins ain't made of feathers.

bennychainsies said...

newbie??? its spelled n00b!

Leah, wife of Jacob said...

hahaha. I forgot. I'm such a n00b.

Alexa said...

Good times.

Sasha said...

My ex, the French one, was a total gamer.

So, no joke, his texts would be like "ahaha ftw lol n00b unf unf unf"

It took me months to figure out he was saying, "Hah Hah Hah for the win laugh out loud newbie masturbation noise masturbation noise masturbation noise."