Wednesday, February 18, 2009

People who are walking contradictions:


A Joycean Ramble;
Keren's version of Jerry Seinfeld's "WHAT'S THE DEAL WITH..." :


It might just be the heightened level of estrogen I am experiencing this week or maybe it is the fact that everyone in my life is carrying some sort of winter plague, whatever the case may be, I am feeling AWFULLY judgmental.

While walking down the street, I cannot but help to have a bad case of "hate at first sight".

This afternoon, on my rain laden walk to work, a woman was carrying the most offensively large umbrella I have ever seen. It must have been blocking half of her body, the sidewalk and obscuring the view of the road and some of her neighbors. I am almost surprised she was able to see the "42 seconds" to cross, walking man. (Secretly, I was wishing she could not). In fact, the thing looked like something The Wicked Witch of the West would wear in order to keep herself from getting hit with even a speck of dew, as she disintegrates upon the touch of water.

But here's the kicker. This is the part that's rich. THE WOMAN WAS WEARING SANDALS.

I don't get it! Do you want to get wet? Do you not want to get wet?! Is your upper half more important than your lower half? Did you need to wash your feet?

Moral: A giant umbrella and open-toed sandals does not a complete, sensical person make.

Please start making sense! This lovely society that we belong to, entitled HUMANITY, is truly not that selective but, if you insist on being a contradiction, I will insist on retesting you for entrance examinations into HUMANITY. I ALSO INSIST ON USING RUN-ON SENTENCES.

Filled with Malice,
Keren

POSTSCRIPT: Next week's episode: People who leave those "100% Wool Tags" on their jackets. Idiots. If this were the Dark Ages and wool was only reserved for dedicated monks and the aristocracy, maybe then, one would gloat and let the world see this tag. Otherwise, you're saying "I am lazy, forgetful, and pathetic".

In the animal world, every physical and social act has an implication. Example, a cat yawning is a sign that he trusts his company. Showy feathers on a peacock is a sign of health and mating prowess.

Lest we forget, we too, are animals. Leaving this tag on is a sign that you are NOT ready to mate...at least not with me.

3 comments:

Leah, wife of Jacob said...

Just so that we're all clear:

the woman in that picture is wearing a dry white suit with no raincoat... but the "umbrella" is definitely wet...

Leah, wife of Jacob said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Sasha said...

Keren, a kid in my 19th Century Lit Class has a "100% Wool Tag" on his coat. I want to cut it off. We should cut off. PLEASE!