Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Do names determine profession?

If not for the fact that K and I keep our room generally very clean, I would have been ashamed to admit this: We have cockroaches in our apartment. We do! There, I said it.

Last semester was worse than this semester. We had hardly seen ten in all of January. Lately, however, they came back for another feeding. So I called the exterminator and he promptly came with his half keg of death hooked to a rubber tube for precision.

He is a hefty guy with white hair. Don't let the white hair fool you, he could lift you and your friend and spin you around like car tires just for show before throwing you like a discus. Although he has been here many times, I always feel really awkward when service men come in to the room. I don't know exactly why I feel like that, but I do. All the other times he has been here, I've coincidentally been ready to leave the room and let my roommate deal with it...sorry, Keren.

This time, having strep throat, I was hardly prepared for the knock--hid the candles in my room in case it was health and safety inspection-- and opened the door to Mr. Exterminator.

I awkwardly shuffled my feet around until he took his can of death out the room. But he left his card, and his name was George Clemons. I said as much aloud to Keren, who promptly responded:

"If there is a name appropriate for an exterminator, it's George Clemons."

That got me to thinking about Shakespeare's Richard III... he is rudely stamped and determined to be the villain. Is naming a child the modern day version of stamping them with their fate (as opposed to the olden day version which was left to God, but, you know, God is dead or something)? Can a name prove to be the thing! the it!, the thing that determines the child's future?

Of course not!

Bah! Nonsense.

But I say, if an African Elephant is the opposite of a Pear, then giving a child a name that sounds like the name of an exterminator, determines his path in life.

That just means that I'll have to name my first born son "King Edward" and my second child "Duchess Fergie" (that one could go either way... royalty or glamorous pop star).


Sasha said...

Blogger decided to cop out on me when I posted a comment. So, I'll give the shortened version, idk idk.

My, name is Sasha Moss, right? Last time I checked, this was true. With this said, I should be a model.

Kate Moss
Sasha Pivovarova


But I'm not. I'm not even two people, I am one person. Then again, I am blonde, so, so that gives me something, right?!

Oh, and if you google my nickname, "Sasha Pasha" you'll get porn star twins.

I'm not a porn star or a twin.

I should just go King Solomon on my ass. Split me in two (which would thus divide my weight, thus making me coke skinny), sign me to IMG, and then throw me into porn.

Problem solved, amirite?!

Sasha said...

Oh, and what about Sasha Fierce?!

I'm not fierce! I wish I was fierce, but my ass isn't that fly and I can't dance.

Oh, or Alexandra? My REAL name, name one cool Alexandra. Except this one,



Leah, wife of Jacob said...

To be perfectly honest, Sasha, I think your comments, despite efforts to prove the post fallacious, have supported my thesis. You are definitely fierce enough to be a super model star fabulous! (I'm using fabulous as a noun.) haha.

Sasha said...

Hush yo mouth, girl <3