Sunday, November 23, 2008

The Almost Generation

We make new strides in fashion, almost.

We make unheard of music, almost.

We make never-been-seen art, almost.

We write experimental poetry, almost.

We are the Almost Generation, continually reaching for something that has never been and never quite getting there. 

We are the Almost Generation, continually striving for all types of equality and fairness, but only almost getting there.

"The Almost Generation" expresses the hope and despair of our current age. It's an awkward age, it's a vulgar age, it's an almost age.

I'm almost sorry for this post, but not quite.

Leading a Poopuseful Life

Posing a question: Does a person's poop schedule mean anything about their life? Possibly reflect their life? Can a bowel movement turn into an intellectual movement?

According to, about 3/4's of anyone's average, normative turd is made of water. The neutral Ph of water is integral for many enzymes and most life on the blue planet. For example a cell of the E Coli virus contains 70% of water, the human body chimes in at roughly 70%, the plant body goes all the way up to 90% and the body of an adult jellyfish (one of life's most ancient inventions) is made up of 94–98% water.

Transitively speaking, this makes poop really important. So important that we have no shortage of words for the said artifact, introducing an introduction of the poop A,B,C,D's....sing along now.
  • anal butter
  • ass goblins
  • awkie
  • booty cakes
  • bowel movement
  • brownie
  • ca ca
  • coeliac flux
  • coprolites
  • crut
  • doo
  • doodie
  • dookie
  • drek
  • drol
  • dropping
Whatever the case may be, I think there is a mental, emotional and physical imperative to having a rewarding shit on a regular basis. Talk amongst yourselves.



Saturday, November 22, 2008

Friends as Mixed Tapes (working tittle)

Friends as mixed tapes. 7 1/2 songs, rounded upwards, for each.

Music is the truth baby. It's the language of higher beings, and the combination of the animal call with linguistic human truth.

Here is our Typology of Friends in terms of Musical Simulacrum. Y'all enjoy now!

Warren Kessler (pictured on left) as a Mixed Tape:

1. Sloop John B.
by The Beach Boys

2. Wouldn't It Be Nice
by The Beach Boys

3. Kokomo
by The Beach Boys

4. I Get Around
by The Beach Boys

5. Good Vibrations
by The Beach Boys

6. Surfin' Safari
by The Beach Boys

7. Still DRE
by (y'all know!) Dr. DRE

7, 3/4. Cecilia
by Simon and Garfunkel

A League of Her Own (not pictured and name not disclosed) as a Mixed Tape:

1. Purple Haze
by Jimi Hendrix

2. Drippy Eye
by Black Moth Super Rainbow

3. I Wanna Be Sedated
by The Ramones

4. Devil in Her Heart
by The Beatles

5. Wild Pack of Family
by Modest Mouse

6. Destroyer
by The Kinks

7. Throw it on a Fire
by Bell Orchestre

7, 3/4. For Real
by Okkervil River (fucked up, man. check it out. all about murder)

Thomas McDonald (pictured in middle) as a Mixed Tape:

1. Sex and Candy
by Marcy Playground

2. Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk
by Rufus Wainwright

3. Doo Wop (That Thing)
by Lauryn Hill

4. Flip!
by Apollo Sunshine

5. Down on the Corner
by CCR

6. The Scotsman
by Bryan Bowers

7. Poor Tom
by Led Zeppelin (poor tom, works done, been lazin' out in the noonday sun)

7, 3/4. Lola
by The Kinks

Vanessa Fitzgerald (only female picture) as a Mixed Tape:

1. Fix You
by Coldplay

2. Mama Mia
by Abba

3. Squeezebox
by The Who

4. Call Me
by Blondie

5. Paint it Black
by The Rolling Stones

6. Canned Heat
by Jamiroquai (specification: off the Center Stage soundtrack)

7. We Belong Together
by Mariah Carey

7. 3/4. Fuck the Pain Away
by Peaches

Cura ut valeatis, and להתראות

L,WoJ and KRw/H

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

That which pertains to the softening of spirits...

After getting past the houses, we come to a stop. Many ought to have been wondering at that. Many suffer great terror. For the carriages, which we had ordered to be brought forward, had been driven to the opposite part, although they were in the most flat field.

Because of those sentences... I will be drinking heavily tomorrow evening... around... noon thirty. I figured I may as well post it on my blog that I will be doing so, because I think I might begin at noon thirty in Kogan Plaza.... I'll be the hatted crazy brown baggin' it, and you can point and laugh and say 'hey, that's the hatted crazy who fucked up Latin and Calculus by means of Sex and the City!" 

Damn urban sex bitches.


Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Today's Weather

It's snowing.

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Predictions for Next Year's Baby Names

Here is my prediction for the top ten baby names for 2009 all inclusive in terms of gender:

1. Brydon
2. Flora
3. Opie
4. Kaki
5. Jodi Picoult
6. Clinique
7. Chong Cha
8. Aloysius
9. Henry
10. Cockrell

Taking bets up to $5 that I'm right.

Love y'all,


Monday, November 10, 2008

The Love Song of Olga and Manny by T.S. Eliot

Some things I've learned about DC in the four years I've been here include

1) there are a lot of gay men who are very attractive and seemingly straight, and
2) there isn't a good pizza place that delivers to campus (with possibly the exception of Cappucino's, but I swear the last time the pizza-maker was on acid because my pizza was shaped like an ameoba and all the toppings were on one slice).

So... I feel like there is a correlation here. And my roommate (hey ya! to the K.V.) enlightened me last night, and I quote: "Waiting for a pizza from Manny and Olga's is like waiting for a boy to call."

The more I thought about it, the more truth I found in this Wilde-like observation. Let's examine.

About waiting for a pizza: About waiting for a boy to call:

1) the idolization of your phone...

it sits on the table in front of you or on the window sill or in your hand while standing near a window... because we all know that the closer your phone is to the sky, the better service you get.

lack of service will not be the reason this all-important phone call is not received!

2) all-consuming hunger...

however... waiting for pizza, waiting for boy gives you reason not to eat anything at all... not even to tie you over.

2) thoughts of the other's infidelity...

how many people could he/pizza place possibly be servicing? are they delivering to someone else instead and forgot about you? should you call?? make sure that the delivery is on its way??

3) stress of the situation results in eating before the meal...

when it finally arrives, you already feel fat.

4) feelings of guilt and low self-esteem...

when you eat it anyway, you feel guilty, and the question becomes:
will you order from there again?

all your friends say no, but they're alway open late! and it's pretty cheap for DC prices!

As a result of the examination:

Pizza, like sex and love, cannot easily be consumed. Pizza, like sex and love, cannot be satisfyingly consumed without a long wait and a long drink.

Basically, Manny and Olga's is only good if you want pizza because it's been a while, not because you really want to enjoy a delicious slice of the pie.

Cura ut valeatis,

Leah, wife of Jacob

Tuesday, November 4, 2008


Ba-Rock the Vote!!

DC is trembling by the energy of election day. I'm bringin' that electricity to PA today.

Love the people, by the people, for the people. Vote. And vote Obama!

Quoth the Dylan: "The times they are a' changing." It's time to meet the power of the dominant culture with the power of the people, baby!

Love y'all,


Sunday, November 2, 2008

Coca Cola

So.... there is this really cool coca cola t shirt I want, but I need to collect enough 'Coke Rewards' Points. 

If you look on the underside of your coca cola product's cap, you'll see a number/letter combo.... can I have that combo to enter online and get this t shirt???

Thanks folk.