Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Midterms are fun (full stop).

Here is an email the Engl Dept sent out today:

[and quote]

When you have a moment, please stop by the seventh floor of Rome Hall and add your quotation to the "Sticky Words Project" on the wall in front of room 771.

Our objective is to reach the point when the wall is COMPLETELY covered in post-it notes. Bring your own sticky notes or use the ones we've placed there.

Hey, it's more fun than writing midterm papers. Isn't it?

[end quote]

I would have to argue: No, it is not more fun than writing a midterm paper. But I am going to post a sticky note anyway.

Any suggestions? I will post all suggestions, no matter what they are, on the Engl Dept wall... so go ahead and project all your negative thoughts and feelings on me.


Even if you're over 35, come anyway... there's at least going to be someone else who looks as old as you.



Monday, October 27, 2008

I went home this weekend...

Displaced voyeur watching rural coffee shop hipsters.

Lancaster County, central Pennsyltucky.
Going urban in the middle of farm.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

The Seagull

All y'all should come see 'The Seagull' directed by Jess Creane, starring Vanessa Fitzgerald and some other actors that you probably know if you go to GW... but mainly just Vanessa is the star!

No, for real, everyone was really good.

Friday, 7pm and 10pm showings, Lisner downstage, aka the Black Box.

Or! you can come with me on Saturday night at 8pm, same place!

I will be the shorty outside, wearing a cream colored knit cap (made by my mama) and probably chain smoking Marlboro Lights... the hard pack please! (why even make soft packs??)


by Anton Chekhov

a great play.

Cura ut valeat,


Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Ads that come up on your FB?

So Google, who (notice the use of a pronoun that suggests life) will rule the whole world someday soon, has figured out how to place on a web page advertisements that are relevant to the text on the web page.

This is not a new thing.

What this means is that the things we look at or search for the most are recorded by Google's 'crawler' ( I'm pretty sure that's right, but maybe not) and then we see ads for things we are more likely to buy.

Here is a list of ads that have come up for me just today on Facebook and on the side of my Gmail account:

Singing birthday cards
Bath rubber ducks
T-rex room-mate 50% off
Fly cheap to Seoul 70% off airfare
Recent Toy Recalls
Find People in 1 Minute: Get current name, phone, address. No Hit? No fee!
Your New Best Friend: a new computer
Michael Phelps Halloween

So... now you know what kinds of things I search for on the internet.

What are your ads??

Cura ut valeat,



Hey y'all, it's this kid's birthday today!!!

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Do Dogs and Cats get their Periods?

I've never owned a pet before.

Well, that's kind of a lie. My little sister (who actually isn't so little... she's like 5 inches taller and 5 inches blonder than I am) owned two pets: 1) a hamster named Abner, and 2) a gecko named alfonso... named after the brother of a drug dealer I knew in high school by the name (the real name, and maybe I shouldn't say this, but.. what the hell) of Love Lester. Both Abner and Alfonso died within a short amount of time and both times my mother and father made me tell my little sis that her dear pets died... except I am not the kind of person who can keep a straight face about anything. So as I told her that they had died, I laughed. And she thought I was kidding, but then I showed her the dead pets and she cried and I cried because I am incredibly insensitive.

So... I've never owned a pet before. No dogs, cats, iguanas, ferrets, what have you...

My question is: Do dogs (or any pet really) get their period???

Please! Enlighten me with stories about dogs on the rag.

Roommates and What They Shriek

"Don't sprinkle that on me!"
-JR, in her sleep, last night.

Monday, October 20, 2008

Apple Picking

Keren Veisblatt went apple picking this past weekend. I know... you may be thinking: what? Keren picking apples? Nooooo. She's so Philly. She's so city. She's so.....flyyy. But hear ya, hear ya (not here ye): Apple picking has been an urban sport since the time of the ancient Romans. Not only was it a sport of great intensity and excitement, but it also begun Christianity.

I know a whole lot about Roman history, and therefore I know a lot about Paganism and Christianity, which are pretty much the same thing, but some of the figures in Paganism have wings. So basically, this is how it goes: Plinius, the younger, wrote the following about the sport of apple picking in the city of Rome. Because he says it better than I can, I'll quote:

"Ais te adductum litteris, quas, exigenti tibi, de morte avunculi mei scripsi, cupere cognoscere, quos ego Miseni relictus (id enim ingressus abruperam) non solum metus verum etiam casus pertulerim.

'Quamquam animus meminisse horret, ...incipiam.'

Profecto avunculo, ipse reliquum tempus studiis (ideo enim remanseram) impendi; mox balineum cena somnus inquietus et brevis. Praecesserat per multos dies tremor terrae, minus formidolosus quia Campaniae solitus; illa vero nocte ita invaluit, ut non moveri omnia sed verti crederentur."

And therefore, because all the whores in the stadium rushed the trees, picked the apples, and threw them at all the gallant, dominating, pig-headed, Women-hating, rapist-like gladiators, the Bible now says that it was the Woman--Eve-- who picked the apple.

Anyway, the point of all this is: Keren Veisblatt went apple picking, and THAT'S OKAY!

Apparently she wasn't that successful at it... only two of them even look like apples.

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Isabel Archer


The previous post, however true, was a bit forward. With the sympathies of women at GW already having been acquired by that post, I'd like to begin this one by saying: I love men. I do. I love them, but only because I have extracted from men a few qualities. These qualities I have surrounded with a soft, but firm, cushioning, which has shoved the rest of what makes up men to a point past relevance. After which I have taken the separated qualites and exaggerated them for the purpose of redefining 'men.' Men, in my worldview, is now synonomous with 'penis.'

And for all you who may think this rude, I mean it not in that way. I mean all this with the most respectable intentions. I do not mean to spread the false opinion that I am a 'loose woman.' I am not. Quite the contrary, actually. By redefining Man as Penis, I have now protected myself from being falsely deceived into a relationship that posits itself as anything more than what my redefinition implies. Therefore saving me from trouble I need not.

I implore you (Women and Bottoms only), heed this advice.


It's a Rounds Thing.

Fanny Dooley loves cheese but hates Brie.
She loves coffee but hates Folger's, Dunkin Donuts, Starbucks.
She loves Maxwell House coffee though. (good til the last drop!)
Fanny Dooley loves Jess Speiser, but hates Steve Rounds.
She loves Keren Veisblatt, but hates Leah Webster. She really hates Leah.
Fanny Dooley. Fanny Dooley. Why do you hate me???

Steve, this Bud's for you. (but not you, Jess, because Fanny loves you.)

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Roommates and What They Do

"Onetime I had a roommate who was so mal-hygenic that my other roommates and I made a bet to see how long he would go without toilet paper before he finally bought some. (I pretty much moved out, and the other roommates had their own bathroom.)

21 days.
He went 21 days without any toilet paper. Once he grabbed napkins from J-Street and brought them to use. Once I saw some paper towels in there too. But no toilet paper for 3 weeks.


"My roommate creeps the SHIT out of me and talks/screams/cries/punches and even flirts with me in her sleep. She also tried to jump my man's bones... his ratbones..."

-He Who Must Not Be Named

"One time Kelly Finnegan had sex in my bed."


Pictures of Ducks.... just to reiterate.

Here are pictures of some really good ducks, showing you what they do.

Call for Roommate Gossip!

I have a great deal of experience with roommates. I will briefly enumerate a few of my roommate credentials:

First, I lived in a teeny house with two siblings until the age of three. And then we moved into a bigger house. But still, I had those three fabulous years of having a cradle in my room and a big brother with scary friends (who had bad gas) just across the hall at the top of the stairs.

Secondly, my freshman year I virtually moved in with my freshman boyfriend and his knife-throwing roommate with German heritage... it's turned me off to living with men... and really to associating myself with anyone who does live with men. I guess I really have no experience in dealing with men successfully, however, the purpose of this call for roommate problems/gossip is not so that I can give advice. (Real point follows momentarily)

Thirdly, a certain roommate who I will remained unnamed (and whose initials are A.B. and who comes from a not-so-foreign foreign country before she moved to NYC and now goes to Styveusent Town Dental to get her teeth cleaned) was a big problem, and I loved talking about her and all the drama she created.

Fourthly, the current situation, which I can't talk about except in vague, ambiguous generalities.

SO: I am calling for anyone who reads this (and I'm pretty sure I know everyone who reads this... and I think it's just Diego and a couple other of my stalkers... hey, stalkers! I know who you are. I stalk too!), Again: anyone who reads this, send me your roommate gossip! Send me your problems!

I won't guide you on how to deal with it, but I will post it on the blog.

I will post the problem (anonymously or un-anonymously) right here on "Ducks and What They Do" so that you may have a release and so that everyone, mainly me, can have some entertainment.